


Poetry is the food of love

by platehate



Category: Gintama
Genre: F/M, Gen, Long poem, Parody, gosh i'm tired, i am sleep deprived, it's not supposed to make sense, so not gonna tag all the characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2014-10-18
Packaged: 2018-02-21 16:10:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2474336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/platehate/pseuds/platehate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poetry is the food of love. Yeah, right.</p>
<p>In this case, it's more like love was the food of poetry. This is a very long and random piece of work - i guess the aim here was to parody the main fandom ships. Read for laughs, please.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Poetry is the food of love

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys.
> 
> just saying, i didn't pay particular attention to any slash or femslash, because there were so many other ships and i forgot to devote a section to my beloved kyutae as well OTL
> 
> rated T for my/the persona's potty mouth here

**xxx**

 

Dear HijiTae shippers.

Are you fucking kidding me?

If mayonnaise and dark matter mixed -

Let’s get this clear, everyone would die.

And as for GinTae,

That’s rather improbable

Seeing how much competition

He’d have for that role.

There’s a gorilla stalker,

A siscon younger brother,

Besides a very enamoured childhood friend

In search of a penis and

Who happens to have a stalker of her own

Like Gin does too

_(Hold on, how many people in this anime have stalkers again???)_

So what should we do?

Ship the anpan boy

And the robot girl?

That would be a whirl

(down the toilet bowl) for sure

See how that arranged marriage business went?

Oh! Speaking of arranged marriages

That does bring to mind our Kondo

And his gorilla princess alien bride

With the wedding crashed by Tae

Just for all the wrong reasons (sigh)

 

**xxx**

 

Katsura stands a better chance

With Ikumatsu after all,

Because her putting soba on the menu was a sign

That he’d be always welcome to call

And for a while, again be her hot waiter

Though he’s such a colossal idiot

His face belongs on a grater.

We’ve all seen that when Okita feeds Kagura

It’s always something laden with tabasco

But it wouldn’t be such a fiasco

If he’d give it to Hijikata instead.

What’s that brat Sougo thinking anyway,

Is he searching for a girl just like his sister?

Better give up on it, Mister.

She’s mine, I’m hers, there’s no need for more words.

Just expressive streams of smoke

From each cigarette butt and cannon blast

Bringing them back to the past

To halcyon days as country bumpkins

And those subtly exchanged grins

Over the dinner table.

 

**xxx**

 

Are mismatched pairs rather in fashion?

Since they’re everywhere to be found in profusion:

Just look at Zenzou and his penchant for uglies

Sakamoto’s chase of a girl who hates his guts

Okita and Kagura’s relentless bouts

Gin and Tsukuyo’s endless volleys,

Please don’t throw the shopping mart trolleys.

Still, there are fandom trios of both boys and girls

Say, what if they were put together?

The sadistic sister trio and the 170cm asses -

i get the feeling we couldn't do better.

Okita and Kagura, check.

Kamui and Nobume, check.

Takasugi and Soyo-hime, check…

CHECK AGAIN.

AND AGAIN.

AND AGAIN.

But that’s interesting, in any case

And fits with the theory

(Of one D.H. Lawrence)

That passion is a fight to the death

That yielding is sacrifice

And the only third option

Is to seek true relatedness with each other

(Not like that’s ever going to happen

Even if we reach the thousandth chapter)

But romance between the

Bakufu representative and the crusader

Doesn’t sound that bad, does it?

It could work.

 

**xxx**

 

Now let’s talk about stalkers

In Kabuki Chou

Of which the Shinsengumi chief is number one

(Dear lord, the irony in that)

Then there’s Toujou Ayumu

Who counts as feathers in his hat

All photos taken of Kyuubei,

Surreptitiously or otherwise,

Since he can’t disguise his adoration.

Sacchan isn’t very subtle either

Just look at her hanging from the roof beam

Yelling to Gin that she’ll be his

(Very willing) sexual service provider

Elsewhere poor Hijikata is dogged

By Matsudaira Kuriko

Who’s such a dummy she’d believe

He was really a Mayo Prince who had to go

Ah, and Oryou is glad she’s friends with Tae

I mean, Sakamoto is a creepy guy

And she wishes that he’d just stay in space

And be happy with his place

Next to Mutsu.

_(don't shoot!)_

 

**xxx**

 

You know, I’ve always wondered if the Oniwabanshu

Ship Sarutobi and Zenzou, aru?

Though natto and haemorrhoids

Are a disgusting combination (LOL), it’s true

But hey, even Hasegawa the abomination

Has a wife (okay, okay, they’re estranged)

And there isn’t anyone in the nation

Who’d reject the Shogun as a romantic partner

Despite the regularity of the White Underwear Escapades

That he has.

Gin watches Ketsuno Ana on TV

Every morning, open mouthed and yawning

But I bet Domon doesn’t do that -

I bet he stares at the sky instead

With realisation dawning

That this unrequited love for his ex-wife

Is what is always calling

Him to destroy pads when he sees them

Just as they destroyed his married sex life

And indirectly led to marital strife

And it wasn’t any use how much he loved her.

Ah, poor boy. He’s still hoping for a second chance.

 

**xxx**

 

Still, taking all characters into consideration

At a glance;

At the end of the day,

Love is something stupid

And everyone’s either falling in themselves

Or trying to play cupid.

 

   

**Author's Note:**

> yeah i apologise if your finger aches from all the scrolling hehe GINTAMA FTW


End file.
